Sunday, August 26, 2007

...And the Wurlitzer Prize™ Goes to...Philip Atkinson

In only the second bestowal of the Wurlitzer Prize™, it could be argued that not another need ever be awarded, for with this week's winner we may have dug up The Nuttiest Wingnut of Them All, Philip Atkinson. Trust in The Wurlitzer (for The Wurlitzer is good), this is no idle claim.

You've no doubt heard tales in the blogosphere this week of Atkinson and his wingnut welfare underwriting platform, Family Security Matters (the "National Security Resource for American Families," whatever the flying fark that means). FSM has a number of rightwing [il]luminaries on its Board of Directors, seldom known for their good judgment in matters of foreign policy, but even they seem to have been embarrassed by the bloviatings of Mr. Atkinson in his essay, Conquering the Drawbacks of Democracy as it endorses an idea even they cannot stomach; the installation of El Presidente por Vida, Jorge W. Arbusto. So embarrassed are they, that the roombas of righteousness have been working overtime scrubbing any traces of the essay's existence from the digital realm (this fact alone should quell thoughts that the article was either written in jest or a hoax altogether).

The screed is too long (and, honestly, too bat-shit insane) to quote in full, but here are some lowlights:

The inadequacy of Democracy, rule by the majority, is undeniable – for it demands adopting ideas because they are popular, rather than because they are wise. This means that any man chosen to act as an agent of the people is placed in an invidious position: if he commits folly because it is popular, then he will be held responsible for the inevitable result. If he refuses to commit folly, then he will be detested by most citizens because he is frustrating their demands.
...say what?...
The wisest course would have been for President Bush to use his nuclear weapons to slaughter Iraqis until they complied with his demands, or until they were all dead. Then there would be little risk or expense and no American army would be left exposed. But if he did this, his cowardly electorate would have instantly ended his term of office, if not his freedom or his life.
..say what?...
The simple truth that modern weapons now mean a nation must practice genocide or commit suicide. Israel provides the perfect example. If the Israelis do not raze Iran, the Iranians will fulfill their boast and wipe Israel off the face of the earth. Yet Israel is not popular, and so is denied permission to defend itself. In the same vein, President Bush cannot do what is necessary for the survival of Americans. He cannot use the nation’s powerful weapons. All he can do is try and discover a result that will be popular with Americans
....say what?...
By elevating popular fancy over truth, Democracy is clearly an enemy of not just truth, but duty and justice, which makes it the worst form of government. President Bush must overcome not just the situation in Iraq, but democratic government.
...say WHAT?...
President Bush can fail in his duty to himself, his country, and his God, by becoming “ex-president” Bush or he can become “President-for-Life” Bush: the conqueror of Iraq, who brings sense to the Congress and sanity to the Supreme Court. Then who would be able to stop Bush from emulating Augustus Caesar and becoming ruler of the world? For only an America united under one ruler has the power to save humanity from the threat of a new Dark Age wrought by terrorists armed with nuclear weapons.
...[???!!!]...I'm back now. Just got back from the dentist for some emergency oral surgery. Amazing the injuries that the jaw can sustain when striking the floor at Mach 1.

Is it any wonder that even the wingnuts are embarrassed, when sunlight floods the cobweb-choked corners of their collective ID, an all their pathological hatred for all that America does, and is meant to, stand for is laid out for public perusal?

With astonishment at what black, viscous substance could possibly reside in your body other than a beating, human heart, The Wurlitzer Prize of the Week for Wingnuttery™ is awarded to you, Philip Atkinson.

...when reached for comment after his award, Mr. Atkinson was unavailable...