Next Round Against the Religious Wrongs

If you worry that even with the republican party imploding left, right and center, the rovians will once again use their "Family Values" bag of tricks to pull out a victory in 2008, keep an eye on the Kentucky Governor's race now in its last 60 days.

Gay marriage, the ten commandments, prayer in schools - the republicans are preparing to launch all the Golden Oldies against the Democrats in October.

But this time, finally, there are definite signs that Kentucky Democrats have learned not only how to fight back effectively, but actually attack the repugs on their own "Family values" ground.

Republican incumbent Ernie Fletcher, with a record of incompetence that rivals Smirky's - except for the dead people - has been reduced to running on the "we're christians and they're not" line.

It started in June, when Fletcher reversed his previous stand on expanding gambling on Kentucky. Through the May primary, Fletcher had said he would not oppose a referendum on expanding gambling, though he wasn't personally in favor of it.

Democratic gubernatorial nominee Steve Beshear has been running since February on a promise to bring expanded gambling to Kentucky. Some polls have shown that a majority of Kentuckians support expanded gambling, and more than 80 percent favor a referendum on the issue.

After Beshear won the May Democratic primary, the first post-primary polls showed Beshear beating Fletcher by as much as 40 points (Beshear has since dropped to an 18-point lead.)

Ernie flipped and came out four-square against expanded gambling, and against even allowing a referendum.

Let's upack that flip: First, if Ernie had a record of accomplishments to run on, he could afford to maintain his previous neutrality. But his record being one of unmitigated incompetence, illegality and immorality, he desperately needs an issue.

Second, Ernie gains precisely zero new votes with this changed position. Voters who oppose expanded gambling on moral grounds are already republicans who wouldn't vote for a Democrat under threat of waterboarding. Democratic voters, like me, who oppose expanded gambling on the reality-based grounds that casinos are a really stupid way to grow an economy, are desperate to get rid of Ernie and are prepared to hold our noses and vote for Beshear regardless.

Third, and this is the fun part, Ernie's flip may actually lose him some votes from his base. Among the republican opponents of expanded gambling are a significant number who strongly favor a referendum. Some may actually be deluded that they can defeat that measure, but others may want to get their opposition to expanded gambling on the record, or just make their voices heard.

So Ernie has really stepped in it. He claims to oppose expanded gambling on moral grounds, but also opposes giving those who agree with him to chance to vote it down.

A month of expensive TV commercials by Ernie on the horrors of expanded gambling has gotten him nowhere in the polls, and that's why Kentucky Democrats are preparing for an avalanche of "Democrats (heart) Satan" commercials, probably starting in October.

But Beshear and the other Democrats on the state ticket have already seized the high moral ground in a way that the party's 2008 candidates nationwide would do well to study and emulate. Some examples:

On Gambling: Democrats taunted Fletcher during his speech at the Fancy Farm picnic that his faith-based opposition to gambling exempts Kentucky's iconic horse racing industry and the extremely popular church- and community organization-based bingo industry. In fact, bingo took place just a few yards from where Fletcher was condemning gambling. If Ernie thinks gambling is so horrible, Democrats asked, why doesn't he propose shutting down the race tracks and the bingo halls?

On the Ten Commandments: Back in the early '80s, when Beshear was Attorney General, he issued an opinion that yes, the U.S. Supreme Count decision banning publicly-funded religious displays does, indeed, apply in Kentucky. Fletcher claims this proves Beshear, the son of a Baptist lay minister, is Satan's Agent.

Beshear says this: My father used to say that it doesn't matter where you hang the Ten Commandments on the wall; it matters how you keep the Ten Commandments in your heart and how you follow them in your life. Ernie Fletcher has admitted to breaking the laws of the Commonwealth. My father would not consider that to be living the Ten Commandments.

On Prayer in Schools: While he was Attorney General, Beshear issued another opinion that yes, the U.S. Supreme Court decision banning spoken prayer in public schools does, indeed, apply in Kentucky. Fletcher claims this proves Beshear, the son of a Baptist lay minister, is Satan's Agent.

I have not yet heard Beshear speak directly to this issue, but it's an absolute gimme for liberals. Not that the religious wrongs give a damn about the New Testament, but just for the record, here is Jesus on public prayer (Matthew 6)

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites [are]: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

On General Morality: Until recently, repugs have been so effective in painting Democrats as evil, atheistic minions of Satan, that last year a substitute teacher in my home town who admitted to a fourth-grade class that she was a Democrat, was asked by one child, innocently and seriously: "Why don't you believe in God?"

Kentucky's unions aren't taking that crap lying down. They formed a 527 to stop Bruce Lunsford from winning the Democratic gubernatorial primary in May and now they're airing radio spots to attack the republicans' "Christian values." From Bluegrass Report:

The deliberately folksy spot takes aim at Governor Fletcher (R) and attorney general nominee Stan Lee (R) on "Christian values." The ad criticizes both for "implying they are God's chosen candidates" and then reminds voters that Christian values also includes things like soaring health care costs, affordable education, and good jobs -- issues that neither candidate seems much interested in talking about.

Unions being smarter than your average bear, they are running these ads not in the secular-humanist, Democratic-majority enclaves of Lexington and Louisville, but in the Fundamentalist capitals of south-central, eastern and western Kentucky.

On Gay Marriage: This one killed Dan Mongiardo's nearly successful challenge to Senator Jim Bunning in 2004, and could threaten Jack Conway's race for Attorney General. Not because either Mongiardo or Conway are in favor of gay marriage, or even civil unions, but because both men (Conway is married; Mongiardo engaged) are the subject of repug whispering campaigns that they are gay.

Nice try, but the worm appears to be turning on gay issues even in Kentucky. People are just tired of the fear- and hate-mongering, and starting to admit they just don't care whether someone is gay.

No poll numbers for you, but a pretty good anecdote: Met a 70-year-old woman this weekend who talked about her still-healthy and still-sharp 91-year-old aunt. The one issue on which the aunt really hates republicans is gay marriage. Sayeth the aunt: "I don't care who sticks what where!"

There are two keys to success in these Democratic attacks on the repugs anti-christian values:

1) Authenticity. As in NOT hypocrisy. The Kentucky Democrats making religious points are genuine Christians and have been all their lives. In their professional and personal lives, they live New Testament, Jesus-directed values. When they speak on the subject of religious values, they sound authentic because they are.

2) Democratic/Progressive/Liberal Values. Kentucky's unions are making the critical point that traditional Democratic values ARE genuine Christian values, and that republican values are not. This is critical. Democrats who apologize for traditional Democratic values as not being Christian enough lose (see Harold Ford.) Democrats who stand up proudly for their Democratic values win (see John Yarmuth.)

I have raged for three years now against Democrats attempting to win over "Family Values" voters by pandering to the religious wrongs. It never, never, EVER works. Members of the religious wrong would rather vote for Larry Craig or Mark Foley than any Democrat, no matter how "religious."

Moderate republicans and independents, however, are open to a Democratic candidate with the courage of her convictions, even if those convictions are secular humanist. Such courage might actually get all those non-voting Democrats off the sofa on Election Day.

Standing proud for Democratic values worked last November for John Yarmuth in Louisville. We'll see in 59 days if attacking repugs on their own "Family Values" ground works for Beshear-Mongiardo, Conway and the other Democrats statewide.

There's more: "Next Round Against the Religious Wrongs" >>

Kentucky GOP Rebelling Against Mitch?

Mark Nickolas at Bluegrass Report cites a Robert Novak column that claims Kentucky republicans may be planning to give Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell a primary challenge.

But just when it looks like 2008 is going to be our best chance ever to defeat Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, bad news steps up to the plate and delivers a high slow one right to the center fielder.


Democrat Greg Stumbo, our apparently insane state Attorney General, is hinting that he will run against McConnell next year. McConnell is throwing a party at the news.


Back in December, Stumbo was flying high, having slapped Governor Ernie Fletcher hard over political hiring, and looked like a strong candidate for governor.


Then he got a look at Traitor and Criminal Bruce Lunsford’s $5 million campaign chest, and announced he’d run as Lunsford’s lite guv.


Up until that moment, Stumbo was something of a hero to Democrats, and was generally acknowledged as one of the top political minds in the state.


After he joined Lunsford, Stumbo had to stay on the move to keep away from the gentlemen in white coats from Eastern State Mental Hospital.


Allying himself with a republican who betrayed the democratic party lost Stumbo the respect and support of tens of thousands of Democrats, many of whom voted for Steve Beshear in the gubernatorial primary as a protest against Lunsford and Stumbo.


After losing the primary to Beshear by 20 points in May, Stumbo then sealed his status as party pariah by declaring it unconstitutional for state universities to let employees purchase health insurance for domestic partners.


The same tens of thousands of Kentucky Democrats who would have stayed home this November rather than vote for Lunsford-Stumbo if Lunsford had won the primary are the same Democrats who will skip the Senate race on the ballot in 2008 if Stumbo is McConnell’s Democratic challenger.


However, the combination of McConnell’s vulnerability and Stumbo’s unpopularity is likely to draw several more Democrats into the primary race. The filing deadline isn’t until January 30, 2008, so there’s plenty of time for stronger candidates to come out of the woodwork, along with the usual collection of losers (I’m talkin’ to YOU, Steve Henry.)


The leading Democrat in the state is still Rep. Ben Chandler, although freshman Rep. John Yarmuth is moving up fast, despite being a proud liberal in a supposed red state. Yarmuth is probably too green to challenge McConnell next year, but if McConnell really tanks before January, Ben might jump in.


If Steve Beshear becomes Governor in December, he will be the official leader of Kentucky Democrats, but neither he nor his lite guv candidate Dan Mongiardo iis likely to file for the Senate six weeks after inauguration. If they lose, they will not only have no chance in hell of beating McConnell, they'll be run out of the state on a rail.


Charlie Owen, a Louisville businessman with deep pockets, keeps hinting about running for something, but except for a losing run for lite guv as Chandler's running mate in 2003, he's a political novice.


So is Andrew Horne, who lost the democratic primary to Yarmuth last year, but Horne is also a retired Army Lt. Colonel and an Iraq War veteran. Horne is the darling of Kentucky progressives, who would dearly love to see a real soldier take on the draft-dodging, war-mongering McConnell.


Don't count gubernatorial primary losers Lunsford or Gatewood Galbraith out, either, which means we're probably looking at a four- to six-person Democratic primary for McConnell's seat next year.


Robert Novak claims that McConnell is unbeatable and that Kentucky republicans are nevertheless contemplating challenging him in the primary. Good grief. Anybody who's spent five minutes watching Kentucky politics for the last two years knows that Kentucky republicans even considering challenging McConnell is not just a death-knell for McConnell but an unmistakable Sign of the Apocolypse.

Once again, the place to join the anti-McConnell bandwagon is Ditch Mitch.

There's more: "Kentucky GOP Rebelling Against Mitch?" >>

Ernie's Begging for Money; Mitch Could Be Next

Oh, I do love the spectacle of rabid wingnuts turning on each other.

Seems Kentucky republicans are deserting Governor Ernie Fletcher in droves. They're refusing to contribute to his re-election campaign, they're giving money to his Democratic opponent Steve Beshear, they're skipping Ernie's parties to schmooze with Steve. They've even formed "Republicans for Beshear."

Just a little more than a year ago, such behavior would have brought The Wrath of the Mitch down upon their heads. They would have suffered the political equivalent of hanging, drawing and quartering and beheading. They would have been stripped of all power, fired from their jobs, had their homes foreclosed, their children expelled from private school and their wives shunned by the Junior League.

They might even have lost their private boxes at the Derby.

But McConnell has lost control of the Kentucky Republican Party. First, they rejected Mitch's very own girl, Anne Northup, and re-nominated bad boy Ernie in a landslide. Then, the ones who voted for Annie refused to rejoin the pack, deciding to support the Democrat instead.

Now, I've warned before about the foolishness of underestimating Mitch McConnell. He is utterly and brilliantly unscrupulous. It's remotely possible that McConnell is so furious at Ernie that he is encouraging his loyalists to support Beshear.

But that would be cutting off his nose to spite his face, and I don't believe McConnell would do that, whatever the provocation.

No, I think Mark Nickolas at Bluegrass Report is right: Mitch has no time or money to spare on the Govenor's race right now.

The Senate Majority Leader is hemorraging power and influence as the Smirky maladministration disintegrates and Congressional republicans race for the portholes.

He's got just enough left to squeak by in his 2008 re-election campaign, and hang on until the next republican senate.

Help pull the last support out from under him. Join the Ditch Mitch campaign today!

There's more: "Ernie's Begging for Money; Mitch Could Be Next" >>

Victory in Kentucky

Former Lt. Gov. Steve Beshear will take on Gov. Ernie Fletcher in November for the Governorship of Kentucky.

With 99.9 percent of precincts reporting, Fletcher has 50.1 percent of the GOP vote and Beshear has 40.9 percent of the Democratic vote - both exceeding the minimum required to avoid a runoff.

Fletcher successfully rose from the political dead to beat Anne Northup by a convincing 13.6 points and prove, once again, that Kentucky republicans are way dumber than we think they are.

But it was Beshear who really pulled off the miracle, trouncing five opponents and beating his nearest rival by 19.5 points.

Almost 20 points over Traitor and Fake Dem Bruce Lunsford, who outspent Beshear five to one.

Let me say that again. Beshear beat by 20 points an opponent who outspent him five to one.

Come November, Ernie is toast.

Tomorrow, details on the winners, the losers, the politically dead, the embarassingly stupid, and the people who should sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up, but probably won't.

There's more: "Victory in Kentucky" >>

Down the Straight and Headed for the Wire

Polls close in the eastern half of Kentucky in 10 minutes, and in the western half in 70 minutes. (Yeah, it's weird and annoying, but two time zones is what we get for being a horizontal state so close to the Mississippi River.)

Yes, I voted, and one of my votes is already turning out to be a huge mistake. Of the three Democrats running for Treasurer, I voted for Todd Hollenbach IV, only to get online and find out from a Bluegrass Report commenter that Hollenbach is an anti-choice wingnut.

Serves me right for not doing my homework. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Learn from my mistake, everybody - make sure you know who you're voting for before you vote.

So far, it's looking like Dirty Ernie, our corrupt and none-too-bright incumbent Governor Fletcher, is going to take the three-way GOP primary with more than 40 percent and avoid a runoff against former Louisville Congress critter Anne Northup.

That's good news for Democrats, as virtually any of the six Democrats running could beat Fletcher with half a campaign.

Latest polls have former Lt. Gov. Steve Beshear with a 32-23 lead over Traitor and Fake Democrat Bruce Lunsford, but Lunsford could still deny Beshear the 41 percent he needs to avoid a runoff on June 26.

I'll be heading to the Beshear-Mongiardo party shortly, and will blog the results as soon as possible after 7 p.m. EDT.

Meanwhile, Bluegrass Report and Polwatchers will be posting updates.

There's more: "Down the Straight and Headed for the Wire" >>

And Then There Were Six

Much as I would love this post to refer to the withdrawal from the presidential race of the three republican evolution-deniers – Huckabee, Brownback and Tancredo – and the spontaneous head-explosion of Rudy Guiliani due to terminal abortion confusion, I’m afraid it doesn’t.

The cleanest and most progressive candidate in the Kentucky Democratic Gubernatorial Primary has dropped out. State Treasurer Jonathan Miller announced this afternoon that he is withdrawing and endorsing former Lt. Gov. Steve Beshear.

Two weeks out from the May 22 primary, Miller couldn’t seem to crack double-digits in the polls. The latest poll, from Survey USA last week, showed that not only had Miller dropped from 8 percent to 7 percent, but Party Traitor Bruce Lunsford had jumped from 20 percent to 29 percent.

Given that Lunsford is leading the Democratic candidates despite being a Republican, Miller staying in the race created the very real possibility that November’s general election would lack an actual Democratic candidate.

If you’re thinking Lunsford is the Joe Lieberman of Kentucky – stop. Compared to Lunsford, Lieberman is a paragon of Democratic loyalty. More on Lunsford's perfidy below.

Beshear is the second choice of a lot of Miller supporters and other progressives, including Change for Kentucky/Democracy for America of Kentucky.

But the anti-Lunsford vote is still split among Beshear (23 percent) and four others: former Lt. Gov. Steve Henry at 18 percent, State House Speaker Jody Richards at 9 percent, attorney and gadfly Gatewood Galbraith at 6 percent and demolition contractor Otis Hensley at 1 percent.

Don’t look for either Galbraith or Hensley to quit – they’ve both finished statewide races with less than 10 percent of the vote before, and it doesn’t seem to bother them.

Steve Henry is getting slammed in both the polls (dropping 4 points in two weeks) and the press, as we get to enjoy a new Henry-is-even-more-corrupt-than-we-thought story with our morning coffee just about every day.

That wouldn’t be such a handicap if Henry weren’t defending himself with the most obvious, lame and stupid series of lies since Alberto Gonzales last testified. At this rate, Henry may end up with fewer votes than Otis.

But he won’t drop out. He’s married to a former Miss America, dadgummit, and that means he gets to be governor!

That leaves Jody Richards. I’ve never been a Richards fan – he’s nowhere near bright and he lets the Republican Senate Majority Leader beat him up at will. Ask anybody in Kentucky what’s the best thing about Jody Richards and they’ll all say the same thing:

“He’s nice.”

Yep, just what you want in a candidate going up against the republican attack machine.

Jody: If you must be nice, then be nice to the Democratic voters of Kentucky and drop out now!

Miller’s and Richards’ supporters added to Beshear’s, plus half the undecideds, will put Beshear over the top.

I'm no fan of Beshear's (his lobbying for predatory payday loan companies makes me sick), but he's by far the best candidate left in the race. And that's despite the handicap of his running mate: State Senator Dan Mongiardo, who won the lasting enmity of most Kentucky progressives by sponsoring our lovely gay hate amendment in 2004.

Yes, it matters very much whom the Democrats nominate, even though any one of them could beat incumbent Gov. Ernie Fletcher in November. Well, maybe not Henry.

It's a close call as to which is more important: defeating Fletcher, or defeating Lunsford.

Lunsford’s a multi-millionaire (he sank $8 million into his 2003 primary run before quitting), supposedly willing to put his personal fortune into the general election. That’s why some seriously deluded/desperate Democrats are claiming he has the best chance to beat Fletcher.

Bruce Lunsford made his millions off the backs of two groups: the poor, sick old people he threw out of his nursing homes to make room for richer patients, and the poor, trusting Kentucky families who lost their life savings investing in Lunsford’s company before he bankrupted it.

His vicious ads attacking State Attorney General Ben Chandler in the 2003 gubernatorial primary fatally wounded Chandler in the general election, especially after Lunsford dropped out of the primary and endorsed Ernie Fletcher.

Read that again, slowly: A Democratic primary candidate endorsed the Republican primary winner. After promising to support the Democratic primary winner.

Ernie won, and gave Lunsford a nice job. Since 1995, Lunsford has given more than $40,000 to Republican candidates, and less than $12,000 to Democratic candidates.

Now he wants to be the Democratic nominee.

Ernie Fletcher has been one of the worst governors in Kentucky history. Cleaning up the mess he’s created will take years if not decades and billions of dollars Kentucky doesn’t have. We can’t afford another four months, never mind another four years of Ernie Fletcher.

But a lot of Democrats will be voting for Fletcher – if Bruce Lunsford gets the nomination.

There's more: "And Then There Were Six" >>

Do We Really Need A Governor?

Good Grief, this is a depressing primary season, and no, I'm not talking about the presidential race.

Here in Kentucky, the two Democrats topping the polls for the gubernatorial primary May 22 are the Traitor and the Crook.

Bruce Lunsford, a self-made millionaire who made his fortune by kicking poor old people out of his nursing homes and cheating thousands of investors out of their life savings, is running on the promise that he'll run Kentucky the way he ran his businesses.

God help us.

Lunsford's also claiming to be a "real Democrat" even though he dropped out of the 2003 primary to endorse the Republican nominee - now governor - Ernie Fletcher. He's spent the last four years giving tens of thousands of dollars to Republican candidates.

He's the Traitor, but he's leading the seven Democratic candidates with 20 percent in the most recent polling.

Tied with Lunsford at 20 percent in the polls is the Crook: former Lieutenant Governor Steve Henry, who is currently under investigation by a special prosecutor for playing fast and loose with campaign funds. Henry is married to a former Miss America, Heather French, and is an orthopedic surgeon who pleaded guilty a few years ago to playing fast and loose with Medicare reimbursements.

There are loyal Democrats in this state who will seriously vote for the Republican if either Henry or Lunsford wins the primary.

If they don't kill themselves first.

Another former Lieutenant Governor, Steve Beshear, is at 15 percent in the latest Survey USA poll. But he's getting pounded by Lunsford and others for his support, back in the '90s, of "payday lenders" who prey on poor working people who have no alternatives to paying 400 percent annual interest or more to get cash in advance of their paychecks.

State House Speaker Jody Richards is at 12 percent according to Survey USA, but he's in such bad financial straits he and his running mate, former Secretary of State John Y. Brown III, are reduced to begging their family members (scroll down to 7th graf) for money. Jody's been a no-show at candidate events lately, apparently recovering (or in hiding) from a legislative session that left the House Democrats looking even more feckless than usual. Oh, yeah, his campaign manager defected.

State Treasurer Jonathan Miller, Hope of the Progressives, is languishing at 8 percent. He's doing pretty well with fundraising, and has his third TV ad out, but his poll numbers have people writing him off five weeks before the election.

For pity's sake, Miller's tied with perennial candidate and professional maniac Gatewood Galbraith, who could actually take this primary if the predictions of record-breakingly low turnout are correct.

Listen: people live for politics in this state. In lots of places, you can't even get cable, and politics is the only entertainment. Yet five weeks before the primary, nobody's talking about the election. It's all the crummy spring weather and Don Imus.

It's going to come down to who can get their 14 loyal supporters up off their butts Tuesday morning and out to the polls.

If it rains on primary day, we might have a seven-way tie - three votes each.

There's more: "Do We Really Need A Governor?" >>

Pension Deform - It's Baaaaaaack

Betcha thought the attempt by the Usurper to destroy Social Security was dead and buried.

Nope, it's been dug up, brushed off and lipsticked and put forward as state government pension deform. And it's being road-tested right here in Kentucky.

The state retirement system - for state and county employees, teachers, police, state troopers, firefighters, etc. - is deep in the hole. Estimates of the deficit range from $8 billion to $40 billion, depending on how you count it. That's pretty much the state Gross Domestic Product. You'd have to either quadruple state taxes or shut down most of state government for a couple of decades to make it up.

So, here's the plan state senate republicans came up with: Privatize!

Starting in July, new state employees would no longer receive the defined-benefit pension that is one of the few reasons to put up with the low pay and constant abuse of state government work. Instead, they would have to contribute their own money into the same type of defined contribution plan that is impoverishing workers throughout the country.

Meanwhile, the senate republicans propose borrowing several hundred million dollars to prop up the system for current employees and retirees.

Anybody care to guess how long that will last?

State Treasurer and gubernatorial candidate Jonathan Miller points out that defined contribution plans are way more expensive than defined benefit plans because of the highway-robbery fees the financial management companies charge for them.

Former Lt. Gov. and gubernatorial candidate Steve Beshear, who has represented those same greedy finance companies for the past 20 years, has yet to weigh in on the plan. Gee, I wonder what he'll say?

Everybody loves to hate state employees. But state pension plans are about the last defined-benefit plans left in this country. If they go down, Social Security is next.

There's more: "Pension Deform - It's Baaaaaaack" >>

Dirty Ernie and the Seven Ponies - Part 1

There are seven - count 'em, seven - Democrats fighting for pole position in Kentucky's May gubernatorial primary. Not one of 'em a thoroughbred.

The two top Democrats in Kentucky aren't even in the race. Sixth District Congressman Ben Chandler bowed out once Democrats took back the U.S. House. As the senior Democrat from a red state, he's in tall cotton these days, snagging a plum spot on Appropriations even though he's in only his second term.

State Auditor Crit Luallen - a dedicated public servant with twice the brains and three times the government experience of anybody else in the race - was the first to decline the governor's race, causing a run on Prozac by goo-goo Democrats who forget that politicians of genuine integrity tend not to get far in this state.

Another statewide-elected Democrat is running as second-banana on a no-hoper ticket, a decision that has him being stalked by white-coated gentlemen from Eastern State Mental Hospital. More on the Attorney General tomorrow.

So, who's left? We've got the state Treasurer who's barely old enough to vote, two former Lieutenant Governors with loser reputations, a crooked businessman who specializes in throwing old poor people out of his nursing homes to make room for richer patients, a Speaker of the state house who can't get Democratic bills passed by his own Democratic majority, a gun nut who favors legalizing marijuana and a highway contractor who came in dead last in the 2003 primary.

Are you really going to make me tell you more? Fine. You asked for it.

Treasurer Jonathan Miller is actually not a bad guy, and is the goo-goo crowd's second choice after Luallen. (At 39, he's one of the youngest gubernatorial candidate ever.) His running mate, Irv Maze, is the Jefferson County Attorney who is both successful and popular in Louisville, but unknown elsewhere. Their two big handicaps are geographical - Miller is from Lexington, so they're a Golden Triangle ticket and thus mistrusted by the East and West - and religion - Miller is Jewish.

(Not that Kentuckians are anti-Semitic, it's just that Kentucky Democrats think everybody ELSE is anti-Semitic, and therefore doubt Miller could win the general election in November.)

Former Lieutenant Governor Steve Beshear used to be the goo-goos' champion, but that was back in the '80s, before he lost the 1987 gubernatorial primary. Since then, he's been a lawyer to big financial interests, which doesn't sit well with Defenders of the Poor and Downtrodden. If you want to start a fight among Kentucky Democrats, just mention the name of Beshear's running mate, State Senator Dan Mongiardo. Mongiardo, a physician, came within a whisker of beating incumbent U.S. Senator Jim Bunning in 2004. Doctor Dan's supporters seem to think he deserves Lite Guv as a consolation prize. His detractors say any Democrat worth his salt should have been able to crush the senile Bunning in a landslide, and Mongiardo deserved to lose for co-sponsoring an anti-gay marriage amendment that cost him lots of Democratic votes and failed to gain any others.

Steve Henry was Paul Patton's Lite Guv '95-'03. Another physician, but this one with charges of Medicare fraud to his discredit. His main claim to the Governor's Mansion seems to be that his wife is a former Miss America. We had one of those as First Lady before (Phyllis George Brown, '79-'83), and it wasn't pretty. Henry's running mate is Renee True, the Lexington Property Valuation Administrator, and the only woman running for guv or lite guv. I don't know anything against True, but I do know that after Henry was the first person to declare for governor last year, he had to hold off making it official for MONTHS because he couldn't find a running mate. Just about every dem in the state with a pulse turned him down. He barely got True on board in time for the January 30 filing deadline. I'm not sure what Renee is thinking.

Tomorrow: The Traitor, the Speaker, the Pot Head and the Bullman.

Read Part Two

Get the latest on Kentucky politics at Pol Watchers and Bluegrass Report.

There's more: "Dirty Ernie and the Seven Ponies - Part 1" >>