There are seven - count 'em, seven - Democrats fighting for pole position in Kentucky's May gubernatorial primary. Not one of 'em a thoroughbred.
The two top Democrats in Kentucky aren't even in the race. Sixth District Congressman Ben Chandler bowed out once Democrats took back the U.S. House. As the senior Democrat from a red state, he's in tall cotton these days, snagging a plum spot on Appropriations even though he's in only his second term.
State Auditor Crit Luallen - a dedicated public servant with twice the brains and three times the government experience of anybody else in the race - was the first to decline the governor's race, causing a run on Prozac by goo-goo Democrats who forget that politicians of genuine integrity tend not to get far in this state.
Another statewide-elected Democrat is running as second-banana on a no-hoper ticket, a decision that has him being stalked by white-coated gentlemen from Eastern State Mental Hospital. More on the Attorney General tomorrow.
So, who's left? We've got the state Treasurer who's barely old enough to vote, two former Lieutenant Governors with loser reputations, a crooked businessman who specializes in throwing old poor people out of his nursing homes to make room for richer patients, a Speaker of the state house who can't get Democratic bills passed by his own Democratic majority, a gun nut who favors legalizing marijuana and a highway contractor who came in dead last in the 2003 primary.
Are you really going to make me tell you more? Fine. You asked for it.
Treasurer Jonathan Miller is actually not a bad guy, and is the goo-goo crowd's second choice after Luallen. (At 39, he's one of the youngest gubernatorial candidate ever.) His running mate, Irv Maze, is the Jefferson County Attorney who is both successful and popular in Louisville, but unknown elsewhere. Their two big handicaps are geographical - Miller is from Lexington, so they're a Golden Triangle ticket and thus mistrusted by the East and West - and religion - Miller is Jewish.
(Not that Kentuckians are anti-Semitic, it's just that Kentucky Democrats think everybody ELSE is anti-Semitic, and therefore doubt Miller could win the general election in November.)
Former Lieutenant Governor Steve Beshear used to be the goo-goos' champion, but that was back in the '80s, before he lost the 1987 gubernatorial primary. Since then, he's been a lawyer to big financial interests, which doesn't sit well with Defenders of the Poor and Downtrodden. If you want to start a fight among Kentucky Democrats, just mention the name of Beshear's running mate, State Senator Dan Mongiardo. Mongiardo, a physician, came within a whisker of beating incumbent U.S. Senator Jim Bunning in 2004. Doctor Dan's supporters seem to think he deserves Lite Guv as a consolation prize. His detractors say any Democrat worth his salt should have been able to crush the senile Bunning in a landslide, and Mongiardo deserved to lose for co-sponsoring an anti-gay marriage amendment that cost him lots of Democratic votes and failed to gain any others.
Steve Henry was Paul Patton's Lite Guv '95-'03. Another physician, but this one with charges of Medicare fraud to his discredit. His main claim to the Governor's Mansion seems to be that his wife is a former Miss America. We had one of those as First Lady before (Phyllis George Brown, '79-'83), and it wasn't pretty. Henry's running mate is Renee True, the Lexington Property Valuation Administrator, and the only woman running for guv or lite guv. I don't know anything against True, but I do know that after Henry was the first person to declare for governor last year, he had to hold off making it official for MONTHS because he couldn't find a running mate. Just about every dem in the state with a pulse turned him down. He barely got True on board in time for the January 30 filing deadline. I'm not sure what Renee is thinking.
Tomorrow: The Traitor, the Speaker, the Pot Head and the Bullman.
Read Part Two
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